As the audience is few I am sure my readers know that I am the black mother of a bi-racial little boy. When I read articles like this one from momLogic, I get confused as to whether or not I should be relating with the mother of 100% black children. I am proud of my heritage and don’t hold anything against my husband or any other white person today because of theirs. I do wonder if I should worry about the statisics of little black boys. I guess it will all depend on what my son identifies himself as.
If he identifies more with his white ancestry, should I breathe a sigh of relief? If he identifies with his black ancestry, should I wait with bated breath? Wouldn’t either choice mean that I am only perpetuating the race cycle? The reason I am having this issue in the first place is because my mother perpetuated the cycle and I have the image of black men being judged by their skin color/tone and not character.
Like the title of the post says, I wonder–and it’s rare–if my son will have some color or race confusion. But I wonder if I will question which race he identifies with, and that is my true worry. I don’t want to think of my son as black or white. He’s my son and all the should matter is that he came from me and I will protect, teach, and support him. I will.
This snippet from the momlogic article is what I fear for any child of color:
My son has been reading since he was 4 years old. He was the only reader in his pre-K class, and every day throughout the school year his teacher would tell all the parents hanging around for pickup how he reads stories to the other children, helps them tie their shoes (because they don’t know how), and spells like a champ. He is also the only African-American in the class. At the end of the school year, a bunch of moms and dads from the class got together, and their whole conversation about my son was about how fast he runs, how he wins all the races at parties, and how he has a very muscular tone for a 5-year-old. These things are true. But not one person talked about how smart he is. Even though that was the messaging they received about my son nearly every day. Not one parent.
The past week has been very hard. Starting last Friday, KidWonder had a fever ranging from 99 to 102.8 degrees. After a very long weekend, we took him to see the doctor on Monday. Of course by then he was back to normal. No longer feverish, weak, or lacking appetite the doctor gave him a clean bill of health and proceeded to issue a shot of Synagis to keep him from getting RSV. That night he had a small rash on his torso. By morning the rash had spread to his entire belly, chest, back, and neck. By the time we scheduled an appointment with the doctor it had spread to his face. As we were leaving the house, I noticed it had spread to his arms. The doctor saw it as it spread to his legs, hands, and feet. He had something known as Roseola. The doctor seemed very pleased that he had the rash. It meant that his high fever over the weekend was no longer a mystery. As it turns out, Roseola is a rather benign virus that kids seem to pass along only when they have the fever. The rash isn’t irritating to them at all. Actually, the only thing that bothered KW was the ear infection and sore throat he got from the fever (which is not always the result).
After all that, it’s no wonder that today, when the rash has finally subsided, that when he’d had his fill of milk he simply put his bottle to the side and put himself to sleep. Poor guy has had a long week and I am so glad to see him sleep so peacefully. Maybe I should take this chance to do the same thing.
So last Friday (the 8th) I had oral surgery, but not before KidWonder got sick on Tuesday with a bad cold. So over the weekend DadWonder had two sickies to take care of.KW had a bad cold that caused his asthma to act up and we had to kick in to full gear with the meds. We were finally applauded by a physician on the stellar job we were doing taking care of our child. <sarcastic sigh of relief>
So with KW being medicated about 5 times a day we thought, “Why not send me in for 9 shots of local anesthetic, three tooth extractions, and surgical removal of an empacted wisdom tooth followed by a haze of pain accompanied with percoset and amoxicillin?” Why indeed. It’s all because, and I can’t believe I’m admitting this, I’m getting braces. Am I crazy for getting braces 8 months before the wedding? YES! Am I going to do it anyway? YES! It’s something I’ve wanted for a long time a my orthodontist (Peter Maro, formerly of the New York Rangers) promises that my smile will vastly improve by April. So on Tuesday I am off to have spacers put in even thought the pain of the surgery hasn’t completely subsided (Yay!). wish me luck.
There’s been so much to talk about this week and I haven’t had the time to talk about it. Now’s the time so I’ll be posting more than one.
Maddy/Tiana
Disney’s new black princess: So Disney has gone back to 2-D, hand drawn annimation and decided that (after dacades) they would try their hand at a black American princess. “Maddy” would be the princess in The Frog Princess. They thought that it would be okay to make her somewhat like the other princesses. She would be a servant, not to a family member, but to an upity, spoiled white woman. She would have her prince/hero, but he wouldn’t be a black American prince/hero. He would be white. A few people didn’t like that so much. I can see why. Maddy (though my grandmother was Mattie) can be perceived as demeaning by some of today’s society. It’s like calling her Mammie. Also, having a white woman as a servant turn princess is a fairy tale. Having a black woman as a servant turn princess is a fairy tale that hits a bit too close to home. And is Disney so unwilling to step outside of their comfort zone that they couldn’t have a full black animated cast. The voices don’t have to be of black people, but if Aladdin can be full Arabian and Mulan full Asian, why can’t this princess be surrounded by people of her own race? They’ve tried to redeem themselves by making her a heroine named Tiana. I still don’t know that many black girls named Tiana. I know more named Britney and Ashley than I do Tiana. Like one of the articles says, you can’t satisfy everyone. 
This week wasn’t very eventful. Just kidding. KidWonder had his 1 year checkup. He is 21.2 lbs (25%tile), 29.5 (50%tile) inches long, and has a 18 inch head circumfrence. He’s is getting so big. He’s got his new walking shoes on all the time now. I hope he’ll walk any day but am dreding it at the same time.
Okay, so my soon-to-be sister-in-law, without knowledge, has forced me to try to blog more often. She started a blog here and now I have to keep up. She and DadWonder are blogging like crazy. I felt ashamed logging in today to find that I only have 35 posts total. That’s sad for a blog that’s been up for more than a year.
So here I go.
KidWonder (a.k.a. Beany) has been quite the little rascal these days. He’s getting into everything and moving so fast tht I can’t turn my back on him. He could end up anywhere. But he is still the cutest little rascal ever. Today, he and DadWonder were playing under his favorite blanket (what use to be my favorite) and I pretended I couldn’t find him. I could see his little head turn toward my voice under the blanket and then he threw his arm up to reveal himself and a huge smile, as if to say, “Here I am, Mommy. See.” That made my day.
I’ve also been watching music videos on launch.yahoo.com and both Mariah Carey and Janet Jackson have made their “comebacks.” Is is just me, or did they both look better when I was younger? I remember wanting to be these two women when I was a girl. I even remember a white satin jacket I had to take pictures in at the age of 4 and saying to only to myself that “I look just like Janet.” Well I don’t think that now. I do think I looked more like Rudy Huxtable. But that’s neither her nor there. Why is it that these so called iconic role models are changing their appearance so drastically? I thought the women I grew up viewing as beautiful would age gracefully while still making great music. No. They’ve altered their apearance, are dating/married to younger men, and there sound is vastly different. I understand that as you get older your sound will change, but Mariah use to sing and now all she does is break glass. Anyway…I’m disappointed.
On the work front…I’ve been going thru resumes and I’m not getting. When did it become okay to pass along your resume or CV without a cover letter? “My resume, if you’re interested” is not the way to introduce yourself. And how hard is it to spell check. You’re sending me a resume in Microsoft Word which I know come with a spell checker. Double check everything you send out for your career.
Ranting done. Time for Battlestar Galactica.
That’s right. Take a look.
He’s growing up so fast and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. I know it’s a short clip but more to come.
P.S. Sorry I haven’t written in a (long) while.
Actually, you scream, then I scream. Oh, Beany. He now loves to scream at the top of his lungs. Beany is going to be an opera singer with those set of lungs. A friend of mine warned me about her child once while out. “She’ll just sceam as loud as she can from time to time,” she said. I thought it was cute at the time. Beany was only 3 months old at the time and hadn’t found his voice yet. Well he’s found it and he won’t let it go.
I’ve been a mother for over ten months now and nothing could have prepared me for any of the events that have happened with my little boy. No one explained the risk of a heart murmur. No one spoke the worries of weight gain or lack thereof. No one told me that seeing your child struggle to breathe is the most heartbreaking, gut-wrenching thing one can endure and you can do nothing about it in the beginning. It’s frustrating, but I have plenty of women who’ve been through this to coach me through. And I know that he’ll be alright in the end.
I know this is kind of late but better late than never.
So this year has been filled with so much that I don’t know where to begin. I guess I should start at the beginning.
Well I started out pregnant with Beany while Dad prepared for his arrival.
Then it was off to Italy for our Babymoon. Traveling between cities by train, we visited Rome, Venice, Florence, and Sienna. And Dad tried some of the local cuisine.
Then Beany was born. We loved having him home that we never wanted to put him down. Nor did his grandparents.
Soon, Beany had his own friends and was having a barrel of laughs.
In September we had a party where Beany got to meet some of his cousins. They wanted to play with him at any cost.
After the party, Mom and Dad got to go to the U.S. Open.
We got a new house and moved in.
Things slowed down a bit while Beany learned to sit unassisted.
But after he learned there was nothing he couldn’t conquer, there was no stopping him.
Beany had his first trip (he was an angel on the plane both ways), where he met some Mom’s family for the first time and saw Dad’s sister for the first time since his party.
Then we hosted Thanksgiving and Christmas. David saw a lot of family and got a lot of presents.
All in all, it was a great year.
As always, our Saturdays are very relaxed. I woke up to feed Beany and worked a little on Netscape, posting stories and killing spam. All at my own pace while watching Beany sleep in his new bassinet/play yard. We took some pictures of Beany once Daddy woke to play with him. Hence the gorgeousness above. (Find more to the right on my flickr album.) Then Beany and I took a nap while Daddy updated our blogs. And, now, here we are enjoying the day with a little Dr. Who and Psych. Oh, how I love Saturdays.
As you’ve probably read on Tom’s site, he was looking for valid content about being a dad. Not helping mom, but actually being a father. After a long search, he found BeAGoodDad, a blogger whose wife also has a blog, www.BeAGoodMom.com. While on the site I found this entry, Be A Good Mom » Shout-Out- BAGD. I just want everyone to know that this is what a father and a man should be like, and I am lucky to just such in my life.
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He is clocked in and ready to go. I am not trying to make it look like “he is a big help to me.†What I am saying is that is half of everything that goes on around here. He is not my parenting assistant. He is not my household vice president. Sure, we each have our spheres of influence, but those are defined by our capabilities, skills and interests, not antiquated gender roles.
It’s been quite a ride thus far and I have to say that I love every minute of it. Sure, I’m up at 2:47am just to give myself a chance to write and get some other things done but it’s worth it to have Beany in my life. I mean, look at him. What wouldn’t I do for him? What wouldn’t you do for him? Whatever he wants, with those puppydog eyes, I’ll probably give it to him.
Visiting Grammie
Picture provided by Pa
And, yes, it’s a boy. I know he’s cute enough to be a girl but it’s a boy.
On Saturday a few family and friends came out to the Ross Pinetum in Central Park for a Potluck Picnic and to meet Beany. Besides a few people having a hard time finding the spot, we all had a blast. My uncle and a couple college friends came out. Tom’s family was there, including 3 of Beany’s cousins. We even got to meet our Belly Buddies from WhatToExpect.com. We had never met them before but we knew it was them as soon as we saw them. I think Beany may miss my curly hair because he smiled at my friend with curly hair a little too much for my taste. He was held by his big cousins then passed around for everyone to enjoy. After a while, and Pa was back from the store with cutlery, we finally ate. We munched on gourmet and not-so-gourmet cookies, fruit, pasta salad, nachos, chips and salsa, and , for dessert, carrot cake. And Beany had gourmet Enfamil and was then the centerpiece for our dining experience. Anyway, I think everyone had fun. There was good food, games, good conversation, laughter, and a lot of love all on a very nice day. So I’d like to thank everyone for coming out and I hope you’ll all share your pictures because Tom and I only got one.
